Thursday Night Is Film Night

It’s the third Thursday in the month, which means it’s Film Society night upstairs in The Starline Club.

The town did have a proper cinema once – The Clifton which was built in 1928 and first called The Majestic, then The Regal before becoming The Clifton in the 1960s and then a bingo hall in 1983 before being knocked down in 1985. Now it’s site has old folk’s flats on it, which with a nod to the past are called Clifton Villas. They aren’t villas, but at least their residents can remember (those of them who can remember anything) where the name Clifton came from. 

The Film Society is run by Oscar Floyd, who moved to the town from London two years ago to write his second novel. This was supposed to be  another futuristic thriller to follow up on the success of his best selling “Blood Machine” (the one with the robot detective that thinks it’s human and eventually commits suicide by throwing itself under a tube train). However, his second novel has actually turned into a gentle comedy about a man who moves from London to a small town on the Welsh borders and it describes all the amusing misunderstandings that happen when urban meets rural (no robots). Opinion on Oscar in the town is divided – 10 people quite like him, the other 7,500 thinks he’s an idiot. But he does get things done – such as taking over running of the Film Society, setting up a music club and starting a new theatre group. The town already had two thriving groups- The Town Players, which specialises in heavyweight dramas and social comedies,  and MAD – (short for Marches Amateur Drama) which just does a panto and some messing around on the streets during festival time. Oscar’s group is called Rogues and Vagabonds and has a much more experimental brief than the other two. It’s last piece was a devised show in the parish church which set Murder in The Cathedral in a 20th century small English town. The Journal described it as ‘unrepeatable’.

Simon is at the film night and is very nervous for four reasons

1. He has asked Emma to come and she said yes. 
2.  Emma is actually coming 
3. Oscar has agreed to let him show a Super 8 film he has made  with his mates Andrew and Aaron, as a support to the main film
4. Emma will see his film. 

 Simon’s film is an attempt to set Fairport Convention’s album ‘John Babbacombe Lee’ to film. It’s not as long as the album because they couldn’t afford much film and they edited it using scissors and sellotape but Simon is actually quite proud of it. Or he was, until he started to look at the whole thing through Emma’s eyes – first there was the problem of being 18 and liking Fairport Convention, then the fact that he had  put a substantial amount of effort on Wednesday afternoons  into making a film of one of their more ‘interesting’ albums when he could have been doing sport or volunteering at the hospital, and then she would also find out that he must quite like Oscar.  Simon thinks that maybe he could just run off and pretend that it was all Aaron’s idea but it’s getting a bit late to do that now and Oscar keeps coming over to tell him 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes …

The Starline is pretty busy – the main film is Blue Velvet – which it turns out has broad appeal –  the audience is made up of Lynch fans, people who think it’s a film about horses and blokes who think it’s a porn flick. Simon is hovering around his little projector with Aaron ready to start ‘Babbacombe Lee’ when he  spots Emma arrive. She sits down on the front row, right next to the seat he had saved with his coat. She smiles at him and gives him a little thumbs up. Simon feels sick  but Oscar gives him the signal to start so he swallows hard and  says a few words …

Um … thanks everyone for coming … my name’s David Lynch … no it’s not … sorry … I was just thinking about him … sorry I’m not him … I’m Simon. My name’s Simon and for the past few weeks myself and Andrew and Aaron there  … have been making a  film at college. Normally you do that sort of thing and no-one gets to …to see it, except you and maybe your Mum and Dad but Oscar has kindly let us show it here tonight, so thanks very much Oscar for … for that. It’s a bit rough I’m afraid – but, it’s only short and then it will be Blue Velvet. David Lynch will come out and introduce that. Hope you like it. 

People laugh and clap. Simon sits down next to Emma,  and as the lights go out and Aaron starts the projector she threads her arm through his and whispers “well done you” in his ear. Simon feels sick again. But in a good way.

Castle Hall

Castle Hall is one of the biggest houses in the town. It was the biggest in fact until last year when Jim, from ‘Big Jim’s Cars’ completed his ranch style home on Temecliffe. Jim’s house (called Jimjoans – a clever amalgamation of Jim and his wife Joan’s first names) stands high on the cliff with lovely views of the river and town below. For those on the south side of the town looking out, ‘Jimjoans’ seems to occupy most of the horizon. And so it should – it has 14 bedrooms, 15 bathrooms, 6 reception rooms, a games room, a bar, a projection room,  a gymnasium, a covered swimming pool and a paddock with stable for his daughter Janey’s horses. (She has four). Its architecture has been variously described as  “hideous”, “completely out of keeping”, “sickening” and “indescribably bland”. No-one can quite understand how it ever got past the normally very strict planning officers. Even the planning officers can’t quite understand how it got past them. They look at the plans Jim submitted and they look at the house and they do match – so it is not as if Jim built a completely different house. They have attempted to find various ways of explaining their oversight – that the original plan they received was drawn in a temporary invisible ink which gradually faded away to reveal the actual plan only after they had agreed it; that they were all blind drunk for 5 months; that they were holding the plans upside down; or, the favoured explanation – that Jim is some kind of shamen capable of bewitching council officials with the power of his mind or by some gas or scent he gives off. Whatever the reason, the plans were passed and Jim was able to plough his considerable fortune into building his family home. Despite protests from residents, visitors, councillors, and  the local campaign group  … Jim’s house remains for all to see and for him to enjoy.

So until the finishing touches were made on Jim’s house, the award for the biggest house in the town went to Castle Hall on the other side of the river. Castle Hall is so named because of its proximity to the castle – it is almost as if it is built into the castle walls themselves – the rear wall of the garden is in fact the castle wall. At some point a larchlap fence was put up in front of this to clearly delineate the house’s land but this has largely rotted away and repeated batterings with footballs have rendered it useless. Building of Castle Hall began in 1737, the original part having a nine window frontage with a handsome door reached by a flight of six stone steps. Towards the end of the 18th century two wings were added, giving the front a total of 17 windows. 

The house has had some illustrious residents and visitors. Lord Clive of India lived there for a time, as did the Earl of Wellington, who also owned Down Castle, 15 miles to the north. It also provided a rather luxurious prison at the turn of the nineteenth century for the dashing, suspected spy Rupert ‘The Red’ Rhinehart, before being owned from 1840 to 1888 by the campaigner for women’s rights, Mary Taylor. It was purchased by the expanding grammar school in 1893 to provide dormitories for boys from out of town and its unmarried male staff (of whom there were many). The grammar school made a very good deal for its purchase from its then owner John Napier Brown who needed a quick sale and hard cash to pay off his horse racing debts. It has remained a dormitory ever since, although since the introduction of comprehensive education and the transformation of  the school into a Sixth Form College, it is now called a ‘Hall Of Residence.  It was briefly used as a hospital during the First World War, for officers suffering from shell shock, some of whom were old boys of the school and the Home Guard used it as a training centre in the 1940s. Some academics think it is the setting for the long and rather depressing poem “One Hundred Darkling Rooms” by the nineteenth century Shropshire Poet  E.E. Taft, who lived in the town for ten years at the end of his life.  but this has never been proved.

Its use as a dormitory has always seemed a little incongruous – its graceful interiors covered in posters, its gardens used for football matches and furtive smoking; and its corridors for racetracks. Castle Hall, however,  will not be a dormitory for much longer. A  need for funds for the college means that the old place is going to be sold. Very few students use it now anyway as improved public transport has meant that it is possible to study at the college but live some distance away. So Marcus and Miles, self appointed leaders of the Hall residents, are planning a big farewell party sometime in June. They are billing it as a mini Glastonbury with bands, booze and camping in the garden, although they can’t bill it too loudly, in case the college authorities find out about it and stop it before they have even begun. 

 

Answers For Phils

Phil asked Joanne to marry him in The Feathers. He waited until pudding (Joanne chose Creme Caramel, Phil just ordered coffee – which made Joanne feel greedy and fat. Sensitively Phil realised this and quickly ordered bread and butter pudding – the thing most likely to make Joanne’s choice look delicate.)  It’s not strictly true to say that he waited until pudding – he just couldn’t find the right moment at any other point in the meal. This  meant that throughout the dinner he hardly touched the food ( and there was no way he was going to get through that bread and butter pudding – he didn’t even like the stuff  but had been panicked into ordering it by the pressure cooker atmosphere he had created for himself.) He could hardly look Joanne in the eye all night and was sweating … a lot. Phil was a sweater, and Joanne found it sort of endearing but this was a lot even for him and she had certainly never seen him sweat like this before, his face was gleaming as though it had been coated with a protective seal of see through plastic. When the puddings arrived Phil stared into his steaming bowl of bread and butter and raisins and took a deep breath. “Do it … ask her … ask her …” the pudding seemed to whisper in its steam. “Just ask her”. So he did. He slowly looked up from his pudding, rose form his chair, walked to Joanne, put his hand in his jacket pocket and then the other, and took out a small black box. Joanne’s eyes involuntarily filled with tears and Phil thought he heard her say “yes … yes …yes please”. But he couldn’t have because he hadn’t asked her yet. Unless he had without realising it or had asked her if she wanted a coffee by mistake. But why would she be crying about that? Phil sweated. This hadn’t happened when he had been practising in front of his mirror. 

“Phil … Phil … are you alright” 

“What?”

“I said yes”

“For coffee?” Phil replied still confused

“Is that what’s in the box?”

“The box? No that’s a … a ring … for you … I was going to ask you to marry me … but I …”

“I know …”

“Sorry”

“I said yes …”

Phil felt sick.

“I said yes” Joanne repeated “I want to marry you. I can’t believe you’ve waited so long to ask me. I was thinking I was going to have to ask you”

“Did I ask you?” Phil asked

“No … I guessed … the box … and the sweating”

“Sweating … am I?” Phil wiped his brow

“I don’t mind … I love you. I want to marry you”

“I want to marry you” Phil added

“That’s good  then.” Joanne smiled but then her tone changed. “You have asked my Dad haven’t you?” 

Phil swallowed. “No”

“Oh … oh …Phil” Joanne looked at the box.

“I didn’t …”

“Phil …Phil … I’m joking” Joanne took his sweaty face in her hands and kissed him. “Can I try it then?”

PE teacher Phil, however, on the other side of town, cannot find an answer. Or a question.  Thomas keeps asking why his Daddy is looking so sad.