Answers For Phils

Phil asked Joanne to marry him in The Feathers. He waited until pudding (Joanne chose Creme Caramel, Phil just ordered coffee – which made Joanne feel greedy and fat. Sensitively Phil realised this and quickly ordered bread and butter pudding – the thing most likely to make Joanne’s choice look delicate.)  It’s not strictly true to say that he waited until pudding – he just couldn’t find the right moment at any other point in the meal. This  meant that throughout the dinner he hardly touched the food ( and there was no way he was going to get through that bread and butter pudding – he didn’t even like the stuff  but had been panicked into ordering it by the pressure cooker atmosphere he had created for himself.) He could hardly look Joanne in the eye all night and was sweating … a lot. Phil was a sweater, and Joanne found it sort of endearing but this was a lot even for him and she had certainly never seen him sweat like this before, his face was gleaming as though it had been coated with a protective seal of see through plastic. When the puddings arrived Phil stared into his steaming bowl of bread and butter and raisins and took a deep breath. “Do it … ask her … ask her …” the pudding seemed to whisper in its steam. “Just ask her”. So he did. He slowly looked up from his pudding, rose form his chair, walked to Joanne, put his hand in his jacket pocket and then the other, and took out a small black box. Joanne’s eyes involuntarily filled with tears and Phil thought he heard her say “yes … yes …yes please”. But he couldn’t have because he hadn’t asked her yet. Unless he had without realising it or had asked her if she wanted a coffee by mistake. But why would she be crying about that? Phil sweated. This hadn’t happened when he had been practising in front of his mirror. 

“Phil … Phil … are you alright” 

“What?”

“I said yes”

“For coffee?” Phil replied still confused

“Is that what’s in the box?”

“The box? No that’s a … a ring … for you … I was going to ask you to marry me … but I …”

“I know …”

“Sorry”

“I said yes …”

Phil felt sick.

“I said yes” Joanne repeated “I want to marry you. I can’t believe you’ve waited so long to ask me. I was thinking I was going to have to ask you”

“Did I ask you?” Phil asked

“No … I guessed … the box … and the sweating”

“Sweating … am I?” Phil wiped his brow

“I don’t mind … I love you. I want to marry you”

“I want to marry you” Phil added

“That’s good  then.” Joanne smiled but then her tone changed. “You have asked my Dad haven’t you?” 

Phil swallowed. “No”

“Oh … oh …Phil” Joanne looked at the box.

“I didn’t …”

“Phil …Phil … I’m joking” Joanne took his sweaty face in her hands and kissed him. “Can I try it then?”

PE teacher Phil, however, on the other side of town, cannot find an answer. Or a question.  Thomas keeps asking why his Daddy is looking so sad.